Even before the COVID-19 pandemic began, I was no stranger to Zoom calls. I’d worked for a fully online company before, so when my current job went remote in March 2020, I already knew to angle my computer’s camera just so and turn on every light in the room to make my little square look its best. But as the platform became not only a work meeting room but also a happy hour gathering place, the Thanksgiving dinner table and even a portal into a loved one’s funeral, I could no longer ignore the way staring at my own face made me feel.
I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body pretty much from the day I became conscious of my own reflection. As a kid, I circled my wrist with two fingers under my desk over and over each day, reassuring myself it hadn’t doubled in size overnight, no matter what that scary little voice in my head whispered. In college, I turned my bedroom mirror to the wall after losing hours poking and prodding at every inch of the body that a voice told me amounted to no more than a collection of flaws. After years of therapy, I’d mostly quieted that voice. But staring at my face for hours a day on Zoom handed it a microphone. Before I knew it, I was missing jokes in the Saturday night happy hour, or important information in the Monday morning team meeting because I couldn’t look away from my flyaway ponytail or the way my eyes disappear when I smile. Something needed to change.
Anyone feeling like they are suffering from disordered eating or an eating disorder can and should reach out for help immediately. The NEDA helpline at (800) 931-2237 is available daily via call or text, and officials also are on standby in digital chats, ready to help you find resources in your area.
Let’s face it: even though much of the workforce is transitioning or has already gone back to in-person work and social lives, we’ll likely never return to a world without Zoom. Many workplaces have discovered the convenience of hopping on a video meeting instead of piling into a conference room and the option makes work and socializing more accessible for disabled and chronically ill people too. Learning how to face the digital mirror isn’t just a pandemic-era stopgap; it’s an essential adjustment for our “new normal.”
Getting to a place where I could stand the sight of my own face without mascara has been a long road. One important step in that journey was learning how the videoconferencing tools we use influence how we look and learning how to work with instead of against them.
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What is Zoom dysmorphia?
Distress over what our video call faces look like is a newly recognized phenomenon called Zoom dysmorphia. It refers to a disproportionate preoccupation with your video call appearance to the point of anxiety, distraction or avoiding logging on altogether. Like me, those who are experiencing Zoom dysmorphia may feel distressed about attending video meetings, spend an extreme amount of time trying to look perfect beforehand, get distracted by their onscreen appearance during calls and believe that others are fixating on their “problem areas,” too.
The term was first coined in January 2021 by Shadi Kourosh, M.D., M.P.H., director of community health at Mass General Hospital Dermatology who, along with a team of researchers, surveyed 134 board-certified dermatologists to find that 56.7% had seen a rise in cosmetic consultations during the pandemic. In a whopping 86% of cases, their patients specifically cited video conferencing as the reason for seeking cosmetic services and 82.7% of participating dermatologists said patients had become more dissatisfied or unhappy with their appearance after an increased use of video conferencing. In another survey of 1,450 Americans conducted by Advanced Dermatology, 85% of respondents said that seeing themselves on video calls has made them more self-conscious about their appearance and 78% said they compared their own faces to coworkers’ faces during a virtual meeting.
Even as many people return to more in-person work and socializing, the issue hasn’t abated. For some of us who may have spent months barraged by toxic messaging about putting on a few “pandemic pounds” or getting the first day of school jitters over those awkward water cooler run-ins we’ve avoided for months, our anxiety may have even intensified the longer we’ve had to ruminate over it. In a follow-up survey Kourosh conducted over summer 2021, she found that 70% of more than 7,000 participants indicated some level of anxiety about the return to in-person life and work. “One of the major reasons was that people were self-conscious about how they looked,” Kourosh reports. “And there was a higher level of anxiety among people that spent more time on video conferencing and social media.”
How computer cameras distort your appearance
Kourosh and her colleagues found that two main factors contribute to Zoom dysmorphia: People who hadn’t previously spent much time staring at their own appearance were suddenly confronted with it for hours each day, and the way front-facing cameras actually distort our images.
Because we’re staring into them head-on and at an unflatteringly close range, Kourosh explains, front-facing computer cameras flatten out our faces, making our noses appear larger and our eyes smaller. Many people also squint to read text on the screen or hold their phones or computers below their faces, making their jawlines appear more saggy or creating a double-chin effect. “It’s like looking into a funhouse mirror,” she says. In other words, even if my brain hadn’t already distorted my reflection in my mind’s eye, the camera’s doing it for me.
And from a psychological standpoint, watching your own image while in a meeting can be uniquely disturbing, even for those who wouldn’t normally be prone to fixating on their appearance. “It’s like having a conversation while the other person holds up a mirror in front of our face,” says Jennifer Carter, Ph.D., a psychologist at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. “Monitoring our self-presentation while listening to and processing information is a lot for our brains to handle.”
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It differs from other types of dysmorphia
Zoom dysmorphia is more of a descriptor of a problem than a diagnosable mental health disorder, although it does have similarities to body dysmorphic disorder. “The person who experiences BDD has a tendency to ritualistically check the mirror over and over and over again,” explains Hilary Weingarden, Ph.D., a body dysmorphia expert at Massachusetts General Hospital. “That process can happen outside of the context of BDD to everyday people when we’re staring at something all day. And it can really make us think wow, that’s very noticeable, whereas other people are looking at our picture in a much more holistic way.”
Zoom dysmorphia also differs from another phenomenon called Snapchat dysmorphia, in which people compare their own looks to edited photos on social media. People experiencing Snapchat dysmorphia may fixate on how they don’t measure up to those purposefully doctored images, and even seek cosmetic intervention to create a look that isn’t even possible without editing software. But Zoom is unique in that it twists our images in ways we may not even realize, and forces us to look at ourselves right alongside others. “Zoom is a perfect recipe for comparing because you literally have your face sitting there right next to somebody else’s face,” adds Weingarden.
Here’s how to counteract its effects
“Some aspects of remote life and work may not be going away anytime soon,” Kourosh points out. “We want to work towards constructive solutions to find a balance of how to interact with our technology and live and work remotely in the most healthy way possible.”
When I first realized Zoom dysmorphia was interfering with my ability to work and live online, I worked with my therapist to figure out how to deal with it. But you can also try a few expert-backed techniques on your own to help make turning on that little camera less stressful, whether or not you’re under a mental health professional’s care:
- Awareness of Zoom’s impact can help. If you find yourself surprised by how you look on video calls, knowing that the face you see in the Zoom square is actually a distorted version of reality can go a long way in easing anxiety, explains Kourosh. “A lot of people felt better simply knowing that there were reasons why they were having this experience,” she said.
- Realize that no one’s looking at you (really). Even though I had been convinced everyone else was judging the Grand Canyon-sized furrows in my forehead, that’s just not the case. Dermatologist Diane Berson, M.D. always reassures her patients that we’re all our own harshest critics. “It’s encouraging that it’s not as bad as they think it is, and that others probably don’t recognize it as much as they do,” she explains. For me, reminding myself that no one was looking at my square as hard as I was helped enormously.
- Use Zoom as exposure therapy. Because many of us can’t exactly beg off Zoom calls, using them to our advantage can help. Logging on for hours of Zoom calls most days can work as a sort of exposure therapy, one of the commonly used treatments for BDD. Each day that my coworkers didn’t recoil in horror from my makeup-free face reinforced the truth that my appearance doesn’t determine my worth.
- Focus on mindfulness. “When you notice that you’re becoming distracted, try to take a step back and focus on the content of the call,” Weingarten advises. It might take a lot of practice (up to 30 attempts at redirecting your attention in one call alone) but retraining your brain that way can really help keep you focused over time.
- Take steps to scale back your routine. Similarly, if you find yourself spending more and more time getting ready to log on, Weingarten suggests taking steps to consciously dial that down, shaving 5 or 10 minutes off your getting-ready routine until it gets to a place that feels more reasonable for you. I started out by foregoing eyeliner, for example. After I got comfortable with that, I cut out mascara, slowly dialing down my makeup until I could stand to look at myself au naturale. There’s nothing wrong with trying to look your best, of course. But if your primping disrupts your life, or the idea of going out without makeup causes you significant anxiety or distress, that’s when you might want to address it.
- Consult a professional. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped teach me a better, kinder approach to self-perception. If you’re also distracted to the point of losing focus on the task at hand, or you find yourself avoiding Zooms because it causes you distress, consider checking in with a licensed therapist for more targeted help.
Use your Zoom settings for good
Finally, Carter suggests adjusting your Zoom settings to minimize your own square if it’s too distracting. Think about hiding your self-view, asking colleagues to agree to turn everyone’s cameras off for some meetings so no one feels singled-out for turning theirs off, or swapping a video call for a phone chat once in a while. These methods won’t address the psychological basis for your distress, but they’ll at least help in the moment. And remember, if you’re feeling Zoom fatigue, the people occupying the rest of the screen probably are, too. A little kindness all around goes a long way, especially since video conferences are likely here to stay.
The COVID-19 crisis has made life more challenging for everyone—especially those who are struggling with their mental health. Visit NAMI’s COVID-19 Resource and Information Guide for additional advice and for more info on anxiety, visit the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.
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